I have been sifting through wades of Beethoven symphonies from morning. I don’t know how I got this urgent and immediate need to know all things Beethoven, to listen and more dangerously own [albeit illegally someone would say] all of his works. I search in torrent pages, with inviting ladies on the advertisement sections on the side, not so surprisingly all of them seem to be near my place-good work Google- now if only you were as good in getting them to me than to that web page, I think and then I concentrate on the job at hand.

None of the titles make any great sense to me- I wonder when did Symphony No.1 or 2 or anything of that sort made any sense to me. Wikipedia lists a lot of this works, which on a mere cursory look I know, I wouldn't be able to own. That thought itself saddens me- I ask to myself, what is free world, if I can't get some music, while at the same time, Jennifer Lopez shouts "Jus play my mother f****ing song"- oops, I have never known that such a song ever existed in my iPod. Mostly Beethoven too would end up that ways- but for now, I want to get all of his compositions that I can get.

Beethoven is proving elusive. None of the torrent pages that listed him would download. Most of them are "Connecting" forever when opened in Limewire. Meanwhile, aunty is back with her Grand Daughter- at times, I both loathe and adore the little girl- it all depends on my mood. I still remember the day when aunty was crying and I realized her Son is moving out of the home with his daughter- aunty was least bothered about her son moving out, she was more concerned about missing her Grand Daughter- I distinctly remember aunty bemoaning to me about her daughter in law- though it seem to me now that they are in good times- shoot, this download is not going to happen anytime now. I cancel the download.

It has started raining, Hanna is here.

 

A small talk with parents- appa is very happy to see his grand daughter- my sister has come down for a short visit and amma is all beaming when she says S wants Chutney for idlis and wouldn't eat idlis without chutney. I sheepishly laugh along with them, as if sharing their enthusiasm about the little one. Its all pleasantries these days to share with parents- I don’t have anything to talk to them except asking for the sake of it, how are they. The realization that I can't do much about how they are- more than sending money and asking to take care, at times haunt my supposed compassion. Amma says about N clearing the ACS exams- we both enrolled for ACS at the same time. I don't even know where my ACS books are right now- may be they are safely stashed away in the loft, where some heavy rain and termites later, I can find the mortality of paper first hand. 

Suddenly while talking to her I remember I need to press my clothes- and in the conversation I drift towards thinking about the pain of pressing clothes. They are waiting to be pressed for a week now. I washed them before leaving to Washington DC for the long weekend. I knew aunty had dried them, folded them and put them on my bed- but I hadn't pressed them yet. What will I wear to office? This is not even winter when I can safely hide the crumbled clothes beneath the Sweater. The upturned "The creature from Jekyll Island" lays there on the side of the bed- I know its been lying there at the same place for an year now- expect when I clean up the bed, and back once I am done with it. I had been wanting to complete the book for a year now- if only I could. I lie to them about waking up late on a Saturday to hide my perceived guilt of uninterest. I pretend to be pre-occupied to avoid the prolonged call and thereby distraughting silence. They should have got the message. The call ends.

I get back to downloading Beethoven- if only this torrent is real!! Silence engulfs!!