Its like flogging a dead horse- the more you beat it to resurrect it, the more you feel the futility of it. But anyways, having said that, I am gonna try beating it to life once more...to see if there is any more left in it!

When you have to say things that you both don't and do want to say, what do you say?

"I don't know"?

கண்ணன் மனநிலையை தங்கமே தங்கம்
கண்டு வரவேணுமடி தங்கமே தங்கம்

எண்ணம் உரைத்துவிடில் தங்கமே தங்கம்
பின்னர் எதுனிலும் செய்வமடி தங்கமே தங்கம்

கன்னிகையாய் இருந்து தங்கமே தங்கம்
நாங்கள் காலம் கழிப்பமடி தங்கமே தங்கம்

அன்னிய மன்னர் மக்கள் பூமியில் உண்டாம்
என்னும் அதனையும் சொல்லிடடி தங்கமே தங்கம்

சொன்ன மொழி தவறும் மன்னவனுக்கே எங்கும் தோழமை இல்லையடி தங்கமே தஙம்
என்ன பிழைகள் இங்கு கண்டிருக்கின்றான்
அவை யாவும் தெளிவுபெற கேட்டு விடடி

மையல் கொடுத்து விட்டு தங்கமே தங்கம்
தலைமறைந்து திரிபவர்க்கு மானமும் உண்டோ

பொய்யை உருவமென கொண்டவன் என்று
கிழப்பம் நீ உரைத்ததுண்டு தங்கமே தங்கம்

ஆற்றந்கரை அதனில் முன்னம் ஒரு நாள் என்னை அழைத்து தனி இடத்தில் பேசியதெல்லாம்
தூற்றி நகர் முரசு சாற்றுவன் என்று சொல்லி வருவையடி தங்கமே தங்கம்


This is the poem from Bharathi. Reading this, I am still amazed on the nuances that Bharathy has been able to capture in this song. The song presumes a girl in love with Krishna and in a scene where Krishna has not met the girl for sometime or where there is some "ஊடல்" as they call it - I couldnt find an equivalent english word to capture the sense of that word- anyways, with that in mind, if you read this poem, you can find first the girl's helplessness, asking the parrot to get to know Krishna's mind- saying if he speaks his mind, then may be I can decide on something- "எண்ணம் உரைத்துவிடில் தங்கமே தங்கம்
பின்னர் எதுனிலும் செய்வமடி தங்கமே தங்கம்"- and she also says, I would rather stay unmarried- I dont think Virgin would make appropriate sense here- the beauty of this phrase is that the Girl seem to be speaking for a group of girls rather than herself, when she says that they would remain Unmarried- you can sense the feeling of jealousy and "That which I didnt get would not be gotten by others too"- kinda self centered moun.

And this just in the next line morphs to one of indifference, saying we would find a king if not you. Bharathi has been able to capture this sense of disillusionment with an object of desire when that doesnt seem to be coming our way. How many time would have we thought the same way with an object of desire? Atleast I have gotten over with some of them on the same lines as abject helplessness to one of hope to one of despair to one of indifference to one of disgust. :)

Then, comes the disgust part- cursing Krishna that if he doesnt keep up with his words, then there is no friends for him anywhere and noone would look onto him. Then the cycle of emotions come back to the same starting point- this time seeing a cause of guilt -questioning self if there are any mistakes on her own- a willingness to take the blame for the sake of him. Then again, the own self image takes the upper hand and comes the next curse as to asking if someone who hadnt kept his word has any self respect- and also blaming self for trusting him, when everyone [including the parrot] had indicated about the cheat that is Krishna.

The last one is the most interesting verse of the entire poem- the direct threat to expose him to the public- this I find the most interesting part of any of the romantic escapades. The implicit understanding of the undesirability of making what is private, public- I hadnt come across anywhere, where this implied secrecy of the intimacy is used as a arguing point....

I am still relishing the poem for all the multitude of emotions that it brings out of humans and its gut in bringing Him to be just another mortal, with all its emotions and constraints...pretty interesting thought......

I have been sifting through wades of Beethoven symphonies from morning. I don’t know how I got this urgent and immediate need to know all things Beethoven, to listen and more dangerously own [albeit illegally someone would say] all of his works. I search in torrent pages, with inviting ladies on the advertisement sections on the side, not so surprisingly all of them seem to be near my place-good work Google- now if only you were as good in getting them to me than to that web page, I think and then I concentrate on the job at hand.

None of the titles make any great sense to me- I wonder when did Symphony No.1 or 2 or anything of that sort made any sense to me. Wikipedia lists a lot of this works, which on a mere cursory look I know, I wouldn't be able to own. That thought itself saddens me- I ask to myself, what is free world, if I can't get some music, while at the same time, Jennifer Lopez shouts "Jus play my mother f****ing song"- oops, I have never known that such a song ever existed in my iPod. Mostly Beethoven too would end up that ways- but for now, I want to get all of his compositions that I can get.

Beethoven is proving elusive. None of the torrent pages that listed him would download. Most of them are "Connecting" forever when opened in Limewire. Meanwhile, aunty is back with her Grand Daughter- at times, I both loathe and adore the little girl- it all depends on my mood. I still remember the day when aunty was crying and I realized her Son is moving out of the home with his daughter- aunty was least bothered about her son moving out, she was more concerned about missing her Grand Daughter- I distinctly remember aunty bemoaning to me about her daughter in law- though it seem to me now that they are in good times- shoot, this download is not going to happen anytime now. I cancel the download.

It has started raining, Hanna is here.

 

A small talk with parents- appa is very happy to see his grand daughter- my sister has come down for a short visit and amma is all beaming when she says S wants Chutney for idlis and wouldn't eat idlis without chutney. I sheepishly laugh along with them, as if sharing their enthusiasm about the little one. Its all pleasantries these days to share with parents- I don’t have anything to talk to them except asking for the sake of it, how are they. The realization that I can't do much about how they are- more than sending money and asking to take care, at times haunt my supposed compassion. Amma says about N clearing the ACS exams- we both enrolled for ACS at the same time. I don't even know where my ACS books are right now- may be they are safely stashed away in the loft, where some heavy rain and termites later, I can find the mortality of paper first hand. 

Suddenly while talking to her I remember I need to press my clothes- and in the conversation I drift towards thinking about the pain of pressing clothes. They are waiting to be pressed for a week now. I washed them before leaving to Washington DC for the long weekend. I knew aunty had dried them, folded them and put them on my bed- but I hadn't pressed them yet. What will I wear to office? This is not even winter when I can safely hide the crumbled clothes beneath the Sweater. The upturned "The creature from Jekyll Island" lays there on the side of the bed- I know its been lying there at the same place for an year now- expect when I clean up the bed, and back once I am done with it. I had been wanting to complete the book for a year now- if only I could. I lie to them about waking up late on a Saturday to hide my perceived guilt of uninterest. I pretend to be pre-occupied to avoid the prolonged call and thereby distraughting silence. They should have got the message. The call ends.

I get back to downloading Beethoven- if only this torrent is real!! Silence engulfs!!

Most readers of this blog would know by this time the fate of the Nuclear Deal. It is more likely to go through the Indian Polity. However, a very good of friend mine, Mouly, has some takes on it. Though he had been against the Nuclear Deal from Day One and me for it from Day One, We have had pretty interesting conversations/arguments on the merits and the fate of the deal all these days. We even felt good/bad respectively when the Communists took up the Nuclear Deal more than Inflation and other burning issues with the Government. But, seems like our feelings were short lived- But that's for another day.

Coming to the post, Mouly makes some points on why the Deal would be "disastrous day" for India in his words. I would like to counter those points, though the wise man that he is, he had already put on the counters for some of those pointers.

Nuclear test: Contrary to what has been officially projected, The deal implicitly takes away India's right to conduct further nuclear test.

Counter: India has already declared a unilateral moratorium on further testing, with Vajpayee announcing that all the tests to validate the design and yield have been completed after the May 11, 2001 tests. So, the inability of testing comes mostly from we ourselves breaking the moratorium than any treaty.

Uninterrupted fuel supply: There is no concrete assurance on the uninterrupted and perpetual fuel supply even though India has committed to perpetual IAEA/US safeguards and inspection regime which cannot be revoked or suspended for any reason at any time after the agreement comes into effect.......

Counter: Right now, we don't let any agency to inspect our nuclear facilities and also we don't have any demarcation on whether a facility is a civilian or a military facility and the inspection is only for Civilian sites - not for Military sites- it is not as if we are throwing away everything to an external agency- we are opening up only those facilities that would receive foreign fuel. As a vendor, I think anyone would be interested in how their product is being used. If non-proliferation concerns can be added to it, better to everyone. Also, the above concern assumes that India's stature would remain the same as it is in the NSG for eternity- We would not remain the same way we are right now. Things will change for sure.

Inspection regime: As part of the deal, India is obligated to segregate and open up its civilian nuclear facilities for inspection of IAEA and the US.

The inspection is only by the IAEA and not by the US in case the deal is terminated. All in all, I would definitely welcome the agreement. I don't see a point of being secluded from the World Community on Nuclear issues. With Oil becoming dearer by the day and Coal being the worst polluter, Nuclear Energy is a much cleaner option.

I would say, with the Left withdrawing support, this would be the best thing to have happened to India in the past 4 years. But, the timing of the left withdrawal did bring a smile to my face. They waited till SP came out open in support of the deal and the recent pronouncements of the UPA constituents don't surprise me a bit- already there are talks about how grateful UPA is to have had the left support them for 4 years and kept the communal forces out of power and how UPA wouldn't want the left to leave the coalition and would welcome the left if they chose to come back. Seems like a carefully orchestrated drama forced on the People of India!

If I am to ask which song you like the most in Minnale, what would be your answer? Chances are it would be Vaseegara or may be Hey Azhagiya Theeye. I would say Poo Pol Poo Pol.

It is such a wonderful song-just listen to the Flute, close your eyes and immerse yourselves in the lyrics. Visualize yourselves signing it and if you don't want to start dancing hysterically, don't get goose bumps, don't want to hit the repeat button when the song is over, I would suspect you are deaf!

The other day I was listening to some old Tamil melodies, when I realized I wasn't even born when those films were released and still I loved the music and the songs and lyrics. It struck me as a surprise, that I do have a penchant for old music. I am sure these would not have gotten into my liking of my own volition- just like Roxette or Bryan Adams got into. With Roxette, I consciously decided that I liked the music, whereas with the old songs, I can't say that.

Thinking about it, I realise these might have been the result of the way I grew up. Growing up in an extended family, with aunts and uncles living together, exposes you to a variety of tastes and preferences and makes you more of a liberal is what I think. You are introduced to a multitude of thoughts apart from your own parents- for ex- I can point to my uncle from whom I got the taste for old songs- especially MGR songs. My father has a very specific taste for Gemini Ganesan songs and I like them too. Possibly I wouldn't have liked MGR songs had I not had my uncle when I grew up. My penchant for books and reading can be directly attributed to my aunts, who were in themselves quite voracious readers. When I look back and compare my sister and her tastes with myself, I see her tastes are more modeled around my parent's, which can be reasoned by the fact that, when she was born many of my aunts have already gotten married and my uncle was away working.

These days as the extended family is mostly out of "trend", nuclear family and two earning member families on the raise- with the time spent by the parents with the children coming down, I am afraid, children would probably end up with a rather narrower taste and outlook. Not to say it is impossible to develop a wide variety of likes, exposure and tastes- but what came to us naturally, would have to be imbibed to the next generation.

Am I the only one feeling this way?

Seems like these days, The Hindu doesn't have much as news to report- and their reporters are perpetually running for Communists rallies or in reporting Chinese Beijing Olympics. Whatever may be the reason, this news item appear to be fit to be published:

Can you Imagine clicking on a link reading thus and reading just a single sentence as a news?- What was the reporter doing when he was filing this "story"- This reminds me of my school exams, where for questions that I had no clue on the answers, I used to repeat the question once as answer and leave it at that- that ways, I was satisfied of not leaving any question unanswered and also confused the teacher on whether I have answered the question or not.

Also look at the new "New Responsibility" section on the Front Page, which informs the readers that the "Local Administration Minister M.K. Stalin often turns to his father, Chief Minister M. Karunanidhi, for advice."- Wonderful investigative journalism Hindu. Not content with this amazing piece of journalism, Hindu goes a step further and says,

.........But, keeping in line with the promise made in Tirunelveli late last year to give greater responsibilities to Mr.Stalin, Mr.Karunanidhi handed over the task to him.

This promise to the people of Tamilnadu to anoint his son to the throne, the Emperor has given more responsibilites to the Prince and Hindu is all glee for the emperor has kept his promise- how noble- mere subjects we are supposed to celebrate this "Pattabhishekam". Not satisfied with making it the front page news, it interviews Kanimozhi, another jewel in the crown of the Emperor on the performance of her brother and a great poet and a judge that she is, she rightly judged his performance to be "exceptionally well".

Hindu need to be commented on putting up a brave face, even when there is something like this happening. While IBN reports it as clash between the Governor and the State, for the Hindu Governor just "opts" for power cut, the city has been "suffering from sporadic power cuts over the past few days that the local authorities attribute largely to cable and transformer faults"- it is not any body's fault- what can the Government do if the cable and transformers are faulty? Government dont have any control on those inanimate objects- if they are at fault, can Government put them behind bars or drag them to court? And ofcourse, taking a leaf out of MK, WB Chief Secretary says, West Bengal is better off than other states.

It is indeed funny to read the articles in Hindu these days- just a sample of the story:

Shyamal Chakravarty, central committee member of the Communist Party of India (Marxist), told The Hindu that he “welcomed the step taken” by the Governor and expressed the hope that it was a “pioneering” one that would show the way for similar moves to be taken in the future.

“He [the Governor] stays in a palatial place which he could let go off given the housing problem faced by the people and choose instead to live in a more modest quarter as do the Chief Minister and several Ministers,” Mr. Chakravarty said.

“Fifty per cent of the salary the Governor earned could be given to the needy as it might be more than what is required by a small family like his. He could also choose to walk the distance to inaugurate a function he might be invited to and save petrol which has become dear,” Mr. Chakravarty who is also president of the CITU said.

While IBN reports Mr.Chakravarty as saying, "Why is he staying in a palatial building? A large number of people in West Bengal are living without shelter. He should move to a smaller building or a flat," for Hindu, he says ".....like Chief Minister and Several Ministers" and there was no questioning of the Governer's action.

Such fun comes reading it. Why would Hindu be even publishing itself as a newspaper? It would be better off being a Communist Newsletter to the party faithful.

Just a quick status update on the state of the Union- especially the state of the society and its spurious ways of dealing with wrong doing.

A recent BBC investigation, finds that there is enough evidence that the UN Peace Keepers in DR Congo were involved in a Arms-for-Gold scandal with a rebel group. While the Head of UN Mission to DR Congo says, "We have lost lives in fighting these militias", BBC's investigation revealed that militia were receiving arms from the same UN agency they were fighting against, through some unscrupulous elements. When confronted with the question that the militia leaders have confirmed they received answers, he says, Militia is Militia and they have their own interests", as if UN doesn't have any self interest in the whole issue- but that is a mute point to what I am to discuss here. Though the article doesn't directly implicate any Indian involvement in the episode, the Indian news agencies were quick to pick this story up- and they were referring to this article, which says,

As for the allegations against Indian peacekeepers, the OIOS found many of them were not substantiated, says the UN.

But there was enough evidence to substantiate an allegation that some troops purchased counterfeit gold and illegally detained a local resident.

That report was sent to the Indian government in March 2008.

While the allegations and refusals might linger on for ever, and it does pains me that Indian Army is being alleged to have a part in this scandal, what pains me more is the comments that appeared in the article. I am producing them full below, just in case they are removed, deleted or otherwise not available for future reference:

Raghav: This docu on BBC was about many other troops and not Indian Army along. The alligations against other troups were more severe. Thought programs like this are quite common in here to keep public moral high after what ever the UK troup is involved in around the globe.( Posted: Wednesday, April 30, 2008 at 03:17 )

Devesh:If British army can get involved in child abuse, sex with minors and rape why are they trying to chase Indian army who is simply trying to make some money without hurting any one emotionally and physically. ( Posted: Wednesday, April 30, 2008 at 03:02 )

Reading them, I am appalled at the insensitivity and a blatant disregard for morality and probity in the conduct of duty. "....who is simply trying to make some money without hurting..."- gosh, have we become such a bunch of insensitive, arrogant people, who snugs off grave mistakes? Is this what 60 years of "Independent Corruption" has made us?

Is this now a part of our national life, accepting corruption as a "trying to make money"? When are we going to stop this- will we ever grow up as a civilized nation?. The other appalling part of the comment is trying to make it a nationalistic cause, saying "Indian army is being chased"- I can say only one thing on this- Crap!

Pragmatic has a good article on the reasons why the Indian Government keeps sending troops for UN Peace Keeping missions and the reasons why it should not continue with it, and there is an even more radical reason for scrapping the UN Mission itself. The reasons given for it are flimsy and the assertion that the UN interferes with the affairs of countries, though correct, misses out the important point, that it does so, at the behest of the same country that Ann Shibler is trying to defend! It also misses out the other point that US has been meddling in the affairs of other countries and pressing UN to do its bidding in the post-mess scenarios!