Two years back- I mean before I know all this would happen- I thougth this!

Now, my Business Card reads.

Yesterday,was rummaging through my scars- both physical and otherwise, scars that had a story that is remembered, scars with no story to glorify them, scars orphaned and abandoned to life's viciousness, that had left a mark on me and my life.

All my scars have a glorious story - a gift of an over zealous cyclist on my birthday,a careless sickle that hit the thumb, the winning trophy by a cyclist competing with a premier padmini..almost all of them have their own juicy stories- bed time stories for the future generation on the lines of Thenaliraman, Vickramaadhithyan and Vedhalam.

Some stories are pretty off the hand, while some reside on the dusty lanes of memory, occassionaly visited by a leading word or a reminding incident. One that doesn't have an page number to refer to in those dusty bylanes, is the one on my right hand just beneath the small finger. countless visits to the dusty bylanes of memory wouldnt bring the story behind the scar...oh..thats one of the orphans..

I think hard about that...a clean stich that is visible with all its curves and nodes. I couldnt remember a time when i was stiched in my fingers or in my hand..countless tales of the countable incidents do sometimes masquearade as the original...Couldnt figure out the real original, when there are so many competing entries each one with the most authentic source and seemingly irrefutable logic. A careful examination with the eye of the creator, would throw the gaping holes that dot the story line.

But there are other scars that are less physical. Their's is too strong a presence to be thrown into the dusty bylanes. I wonder, would they leave my face as blemished, as they had left my heart, mind and soul. I can already see the rings around my eyes...Oh...dont ask how can I see it, when all that is visible are in the colour of those rings...Its yet another creator's liberty...To make things up, to cook a tasty curry with nothing but masala.

Whenever I hear a word, that word that was spoken by her, that sound that came out that time, the noise of the hongs, the dust of the the hot street, the scent of the lavishly sprinkled perfume, the softness of that mane, the bliss of a ride to unknown destination through the serpentine roads, I shrudder with an unexplainable, not to be explained feeling...Is it a feeling or an imgaination?

I had always found this rather interesting coincidence- As the Ice cubes drown in the golden yellow liquid and plead for dear lives, sending armies of fine white bubbles to the top, men with the glass in hands open up like a dam that was just brust!! Had seen many of them crying, laughing and doing all kind of stuff, when they are in the company of the Generals, Soldiers and Armies- I mean the Liquid armies!

It had been long time since I had been out with such a group. May be the last time that I went out with such a group was, when I had been to TAPMI for the homecoming..After that, it had been a rare occassion to get the company of a glass wielding friend for dining out! This time, with the Hyderabad winter giving a perfect alibi to a get-together in a warm evening, I cudn't give any plausible reply, to not join them!

And so, when we met, it was surprising- many a changes in each 0ne's life...Guess, every second counts when it comes to change!!..The settings were perfect...a chilly weather, and a cozy interior, filled with Cigarette smoke[err..that was less than perfect for me!:)].

How much Life has changed- there isn't any metrics/scale to measure it. How I wish there was one..I would be much happier to say my life had changed to the extent of 7.6 in the "Life Change Scale" and not write pages blabbering on that.

When I was rummaging through the old mails, which I do by habit- most of the time to soothe the ruffled feathers, a stroll on the as-they-say "Goo'Ol days" mails, would lift my spirits up and let me come back to the present....Its ironical, the past letting me to come to the present and look out for the future- but thats what happens when one reads some mails.

I had a professor in TAPMI- a very much unconventional guy, a pretty hippy-hop one, who had written me saying that my blog would be a place to watch out for the latest in the world. I wonder where had that confidence gone now. I seldom update my blog and if at all I update, its mostly ramblings, complains and rotten stuff.

I wonder where had the drive in me gone. Where will I find it....will I ever find it???

God...Please help me in reading this and more than that, in understanding the language it is written in...May be I am growing old or awfully ignorant of languages.